There was a man. He sat in the library, in quiet contemplation. Occasionally God did speak to him. Well this man had attuned his senses so that he received many signs of his Lord's pronouncement. To him the world was like a cerebral cortex--of God! And the man, just a single soul, maybe like a tumor, not a bad tumor, a benign tumor, you understand. And he could sit listening as the Lord's voice rattled through this cerebral existence. The Lord had many ways to speak to this man.

Everyone believes that if God wanted to talk to you he would use a sign. Obviously a sign is a sign. A sign gives you directions. It stands there to tell you something while on your journey somewhere.

Sometimes people like to walk up to a sign and ask it questions. That's what this man liked to do. He would ask, "Tempt me not Lord, I pray thee show me a sign, that I might know of your majesty--should I say yes to bingo tonight, or should I say no?". Everyday it was funny, God was telling him all kinds of things. "Yes" to get the carton of eggs, but "No" to ham tonight. Apparently the swine must be an evil beast afterall he thought. Does it have pork?--he would ask the hot dog salesman. I don't eat pork. Other times the wind would blow really hard, and he would jump up and start running! Somewhere! Anywhere! Hard wind meant, "Get going boy, I don't have all day". Some days he ran every which way and that. Exhausted, he would go again to the library. There he could hear God's messages more clearly.

And he would talk--brain to brain you know. And he would wait for that special moment when he heard the royal swoosh. It was a beautiful swoosh that seemed to come from the edge of God's great big brain. It meant a lot to the man, depending on what thought was in his brain at that given moment. Sometimes "Yes", sometimes "No", sometimes "Hey did you ever think of that?". Or, "I bet you didn't know that". Whatever it was, it was always profound.

One day while walking and collecting his thoughts he heard the swoosh louder than ever. He was awestruck. He had never heard been so close. Had he found the room in God's brain from whence communication came? The very place where synapses are ever firing, messages being sent with godly amounts of electricity?

He immediately burst through the door, and in that moment all of his greatest revelations seemed to be sucked into a spinning vortex, funnelled away into a black hole from whence no light can escape. What he saw was a porcelain bowl being whirled inside out, while a man stood with his finger on the lever.

It was one of those moments, you know, like when you bought something off an infomercial. It says money-back guarantee but gosh it's just such a hassle to get your money back, and you don't even get all of it back anyways because they keep the shipping and handling fees. And well you did buy it in the first place, and well you know it's not a waste of money afterall because you could use it to clean dryer lint, or clean in weird places like behind the refrigerator.

Well there was nothing he could do about it now. He had to keep the waste water. He could still find his revelations floating around in it.